"I’ll blog today." 

It’s funny how often I would think about visiting this blogging place and pouring my heart out on almost everything that ever pops in my life, but I never do. I could blame school all I want, and all the other factors dangling along it that makes life a tiny bit harder for me, but who am I kidding, right? I don’t want my blog and my surprisingly-still-existing-readers to ever think that I just come back whenever I feel like it (although there’s a hint of truth on that), and blogging shouldn’t ever feel like an obligation, should it? I missed you, guys! Therefore, we must catch up with a heavy post and a bunch of post-processed photos I took over the days I was gone (as if that could suffice).

It’s amazing how things can change in a span of months (or weeks or days, even) and I didn’t ever notice the process of changing - it’s almost like a car running 200mph and it’s too fast to take a good look at it. I love those ambiguous kind of moments where it takes you completely by surprise. After the haziness, I guess I realized what I really want and how badly I think I deserve it, and in a weird magical way, life took me there. It’s so shallow to praise on the littlest accomplishments, but hey, I’m really happy how things are turning out. It’s overwhelming to have this tangible pride to carry along, now that I moved past a stage in my life which took me a long time to cross. 

I’ve also been watching a lot of home-based movies lately (my personal favorite is the Before trilogy!) which is a bit disappointing because I never get the chance (and time… and probably money) to watch real movies in theaters. I still haven’t watched The Fault In Our Stars, mind you, and I probably never will because of its evolved crazy fandom and my deep attachment to the novel. I’ve also been preoccupied with my upcoming debut in just a few months. The fact that I’ll be legal in just a few sleeps is more terrifying than going through the stress of organizing the event.

It’s funny, me posting all these calm and care-free photos in the midst of my midterms week which is suppose to feel the exact opposite. I guess this goes to my Happy Day # 18

How To Ruin Your Life

milajaroniec:

Get stuck. Stay in one place your whole life. Always order vanilla even though the menu is four pages long. Become the type of person who sends back lattes. Save up your money for a plasma TV instead of a plane ticket. Talk a lot about things you know nothing about. Have an affair with someone you don’t even find attractive.

Refuse to forget your ex. Make it impossible for yourself to do anything without remembering that you used to do it with them. Hug your knees under the sheets and think about how safe you felt when they held you at night. Remind yourself daily of how empty you feel. Find new ways to make yourself sad.

Get drunk all the time. Consider no Saturday night, national holiday or extended happy hour complete without a vodka-induced breakdown. Graduate college but keep drinking like you’re still in it. Notice that cheap beer tastes watery and stale when you drink it alone but drink it anyway. Look at old Facebook photos wasted and wonder where everyone went.

Never drink. Never do anything that could potentially be “bad” for you. Treat your body like the temple it is and say no to carbs, yes to wheatgrass, go to bed at ten sharp and turn down cake on your birthday. Take fifteen different dietary supplements. Monitor carefully. Succumb to nothing. Miss out on everything.

Compare yourself constantly, to everyone. Allow the standards of image-obsessed, age-obsessed culture to make you feel decrepit at 25. Scroll through skinny girls on Tumblr feeling wistful and inadequate. Pull at the skin on your hipbones, stomach, and underarms in the mirror. Sigh a lot. Sigh all the time.

Don’t fall in love with anyone or anything. Put an impenetrable wall between yourself and other people. Add a fire-breathing dragon and eight yards of barbed wire. Be suspicious of everyone’s motives. Hold grudges long after you’ve forgotten what for.

Fall in love with everyone and everything. Run after the next best thing like it’s a bus you’re perpetually late for. Throw your heart into every other stranger’s hands and be genuinely surprised to be hurt. Refuse to learn. Refuse to ever learn.

SILVER NIGHT

Happy Day # 17 

Last night was Benilde’s closing celebration of the Silver Anniversary a.k.a. the much-awaited UNITE 2014 which took place at World Trade Convention Center. The stars of the event shone like silver as they rocked the stage with their grand performances. 

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Being a part of the committee under this event, it still amazes me how the biggest icons of today like Nyoy Volante, Lauren Young, BAMBOO, Dj Callum, and even the performers of our school’s own, were all united under the same roof even just for a night. The crowd’s enthusiasm and the fact that we made it to Twitter’s worldwide trends AGAIN proved that the event was truly a success. 

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It still feels surreal that an ordinary task given to me expanded over a short period of time and before I knew it, I was interviewing ALL the performers that ever laid foot on stage. It was heart-thrilling to come up with impromptu questions since it was actually my first time to interview for an official publication (Ad Astra, the Benildean Yearbook). I’m a wee bit proud of myself for trying to be the best me that I can offer. 

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(c) Bianca Arreola 

For a night filled with opportunities and second chances, cheers! 

Happy Day # 16 

i. School has sucked me in. Lately I’ve been extremely tired and dysfunctional to the point that I was unconsciously being careless… and (no other ways to put this but) bangag. I’ve embarrassed myself way too many times already and the term isn’t even halfway through. *hides* Anyway, Benilde will be holding another big event, particularly the closing celebration of the Silver Year, on June 6 at the World Trade Convention Center! UNITE 2014, a solidarity night OPEN TO ALL LASALLIANS! (for more details of the event click here: x) Stay updated! *promoting this just because* 

ii. I’m beginning to learn how to make time for the littlest happenings in my life, no matter how unessential and unimportant it may be. I guess these little things that we claim so little, can actually branch out to the bigger moments in our lives. I’ve been spending enough time with myself and with my friends, and even engaging into things I thought I didn’t have time for; like artsy-fying my notebook, having alone times with moi, and even catching up with old friends. 

iii. I know what I love to do, but I don’t know how to be good at it. At least, that’s how I see it. I hate how complicated I entitle myself to be and the degree of my complexity takes me to a world of strangeness. I’m so undefinable. Sometimes, I’m also trying to figure out myself.

It takes a closer look to appreciate the beauty of a whole. We could go on liking a lot of things from a distance and dream from there, but we see it nothing more as a mere entity. To love, we must break things down into its parts and pieces; from there we see the true beauty of God’s craft work - within

I have so many things I want to do, so many places I want to explore, and aahhh, so many strangers I want to meet. I feel so far away from everything life has to offer and I just want to be nearer to all of it. I feel like there’s the whole world right there and probably the future me is just waiting around the corner, ready to grab the present me anytime it wants. I feel so young, and it’s good and it sucks at the same time. And jeez, how I am capable of feeling e v e r y t h i n g - from the lowest lows to the highest highs - and it makes me feel excited and hopeful and alive. 

Where do balloons go after being let go from land? Where do they wander off after being kept by the care of the people below? It’s a common kid’s tale that they seek the heavens and enter God’s paradise. If so, Eden must be such a lovely place to be filled with balloons. But as beautiful as the picture seems to be, there is no denying of the fact that the balloons were left astray, drifting in the sky with all the other balloons that were let go of. They are not in control of their destination, they can merely go with the flow of air and let themselves be blown farther away from land.  

I was the balloon you needed to let go of. That afternoon I rose up, I didn’t have the weight to pull myself down to you and before I knew it, I was already floating in mid-air, lost with all the other balloons. I kept moving aimlessly for days, but I wasn’t alone, just lonely. From that moment on, I knew that I will never be able to see you again. And true enough, I never did. 

It’s ironic how we envy balloons for their freedom - to be out in the open and fly with the birds and feel the breath of the crimson skies. But their fate is inescapable; they must keep moving forward and never look down, no matter where life blows them to. For all the balloons out there, I salute all of you for being brave and dauntless, soon enough you’ll find the light of a better place.